The Moment I Started Questioning Everything

To say there was one moment may not be completely true. For most of my life, I wouldn't say I felt different - I felt like me - but I noticed people reacted to me differently. That is to say, I would respond or do the same things I felt others would, but the response I would get was vastly different.

The First Time I Questioned Myself

I remember times when I would accuse myself of being crazy, and may have also heard that observation from family members. That would have been about 25 years ago in my mid teens. I wouldn’t say I started questioning everything at that point, but looking back, it might have been the first time I tried to find an explanation for myself.

Then I Discovered ADHD

Skipping ahead to three years ago, I had a different revelation. A friend of mine sent me a TED Talk from a speaker who did a piece about their own experience as someone with adhd. It was a major eye-opener because I resonated with the speaker on so many levels. This would be the first time I truly questioned everything.

Finding an Explanation

The speaker talked about what they saw as both the strengths and difficulties of ADHD. They described strengths like noticing patterns, staying calm in emergencies, and focusing intensely on a task. They also spoke about being disorganized, forgetful, and struggling to regulate their emotions. Although we didn’t share every trait, these in particular felt familiar. I already knew I could be my own worst enemy.

Looking at Everything Through a New Lens

For the first time, I felt like I had an answer. Of course, my mind wasn't yet made up, but it gave me a direction to explore. And boy, has it been a journey since then! In the past three years, I have learned so much about myself, others, the world, and how things work. Things that I never understood or realized before, like the existence of social hierarchies and how one is expected to respond to them.

And then everything started changing

Through this fresh lens, I started to review the people in my life and my situation. Friends, family, and loved ones took on a new meaning, and yeah, there was a lot of shaking up. A 10 on the Richter scale, if I had to guess.